How to Find Friends

How To Find Friends - Often we have friendships that don't serve us very well (your friendships should serve you, not your friends). We don't necessarily want to abandon those friendships because some of them have been life-long. Yet, we know we need a better group of friends.

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For years my friendships, like most other people, were accidental. What I mean by that is we meet someone who we share a common interest with. Next thing you know you're calling that person and hanging out with them on occasion. Somewhere along the line you realize being around this person makes you anything but happy. You don't dislike them, but you don't find yourself very happy when you hang around them either.

Focus on the type of friends you want, not just on having friends.

Sometimes our life takes us down a path that our current friends don't understand or don't appreciate. Do you stop being a friend to those people? Possibly. I have friendships I keep up because circumstances dictate I do. I would still consider these people my friends BUT I understand their place in my life. The time spent with them can be entertaining, but so can going to a good movie.

On the other hand, the friends I look forward to seeing are the ones who motivate, inspire and hold me to a higher standard. And I try to do the same for them. There is a mutual respect. I did not come across these friends by chance, but rather by design. I wanted friends who I could share ideas with, that would hold my feet to the fire (because I need someone to do that), and could pick me up when I was down.

To have the friends you want, you have to be the type of person you are looking for, and ask!

The people who can make me happy even when I'm having a really off day are the ones I can do the same for. I hold their feet to the fire, lift them up when they are down, and am there for them if they ever need me. When I created the friendship, and throughout the friendship, I always ask, "How can I help you?"

This question is so critically important. When we first meet someone we automatically put them in one of two categories; burden or benefit. If people think you fall in the "benefit" category they will want to be closer to you. If they reciprocate and try to help you out, you know you have found someone with the potential to be a good friend.

Consistency = Trust = Loyalty. The sequence to enduring friendships.

To build lasting friendships that make you happy there needs to be a sequence. The first is consistency. If you help a potential friend out just for the sake of winning favors, the friendship will not last long. If you consistently help them, and they consistently return the favor, then you build a level of trust. The more trust you have the more loyalty you have. Loyalty is what builds strong, lifelong friendships.

Being happy is about surrounding yourself with great people. Surrounding yourself with great people starts with you being great. And that's as simple as genuinely being helpful. And we can all be helpful with our words, gestures and actions. Happiness is not a goal, it's an outcome... one you are 100% in control of.

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